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Thread: Dog Jokes

  1. #1
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    Dog Jokes

    A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"

    The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
    Post 'em if you've got 'em.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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  3. #2
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    A Collie walks into a bar

    The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The Collie says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
    Heh.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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  5. #3
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    Not a dog joke but still pretty funny if you've raised ducks.

    A duck walks into a bar and asks: "Got any Bread?"

    Barman says: "No."

    Duck says: "Got any bread?"

    Barman says: "No."

    Duck says: "Got any bread?"

    Barman says: "No, we have no bread."

    Duck says: "Got any bread?"

    Barman says: "No, we haven't got any bread!"

    Duck says: "Got any bread?"

    Barman says: "No, are you deaf?! We haven't got any bread, and if you ask me again I'll nail your fucking beak to the bar!"

    Duck says: "Got any nails?"

    Barman says: "No"

    Duck says: "Got any bread?
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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  7. #4
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    Oldie but a goodie.
    “The interesting thing about the Green New Deal is it wasn’t originally a climate thing at all.... We really think of it as a how-do-you-change-the-entire-economy thing.” —Saikat Chakrabarti, then AOC's Chief of Staff, explaining the Green New Deal for the hard of hearing.

    "We have to stop demonizing people and realize the biggest terror threat in this country is white men, most of them radicalized to the right, and we have to start doing something about them." —CNN's Don Lemon, showing how to stop demonizing people.

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    Do all your jokes involve a bar?
    If it pays, it stays

  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frostbit View Post
    Do all your jokes involve a bar?
    Your's don't?

    Heck, as a genetic female I'm lucky to retain any joke for more than five minutes. I have a sense of humor - just not the brain-wiring for complex jokes. Mr. Snaps did a complex pun before church this morning. He had to explain it to me.

    I "got" it eventually with much eye-rolling from him.

    Ya know what? I clean up all male madness including wood shavings and eyebrow hairs. I can do the NYT crossword puzzle in ink.

    Puns and complex jokes are perhaps a bridge too far.

    I can shoot you from zero to 1,000 yards, however. Something Mr. Snaps has seen in person and respects.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  10. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frostbit View Post
    Do all your jokes involve a bar?
    A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.
    “The interesting thing about the Green New Deal is it wasn’t originally a climate thing at all.... We really think of it as a how-do-you-change-the-entire-economy thing.” —Saikat Chakrabarti, then AOC's Chief of Staff, explaining the Green New Deal for the hard of hearing.

    "We have to stop demonizing people and realize the biggest terror threat in this country is white men, most of them radicalized to the right, and we have to start doing something about them." —CNN's Don Lemon, showing how to stop demonizing people.

  11. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newman View Post
    A guy walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.
    Isn't that a blonde joke (not that there's anything wrong with that)?
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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    A seal walks into a club
    If it pays, it stays

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  14. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frostbit View Post
    A seal walks into a club
    These are supposed to be dog jokes. A seal PUP walks into a club...

    Mark
    Race Card: A tool of the intellectually weak and lazy when they cannot counter a logical argument or factual data.

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    Gender is not a "Social Construct", it is an outgrowth of biological reality.

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