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Thread: Dog Jokes

  1. #11
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    A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other....
    Leftists have unquestionably demonstrated their hatred for due process, and Democrats have undeniably obstructed justice for, and thoroughly victim-shamed and smeared, Karen Monahan.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam View Post
    A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other....
    The blonde really needs a drink, knocks one back, and says:

    "Well, my boyfriend and I were just about to make love, when out of nowhere the crazy bastard says 'I'm gonna pound my favorite bitch with my giant sausage'. So I grabbed them both and got the hell out of there!"

    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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  4. #13
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    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  5. #14
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    Dog walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "holy shit, a talking dog! What are you doing in my little neighborhood?"

    Dog says "I'm a drywaller, I'm working on the house across the street."

    Bartender says "The circus is in town, you should go work for them you'd make a fortune!"

    "The circus? You mean with the clowns and the elephants and the trapeze artists?"

    "Yeah!"

    "And they do it all in those giant tents?"

    "Yeah!"

    "Well why the hell would they need a drywaller?"
    Dog drywalls.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  6. #15
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    A woman decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

    One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost . Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

    The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in trouble now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

    Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

    "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

    Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

    The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

    Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says:

    "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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  8. #16
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    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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