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Thread: 10 Tricks to Appear Smart During Meetings

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by phillygirl View Post
    A little off topic, but another college class story. It was my first semester of college. I was still 17, so keep that in mind. It was some type of philosophy class. The priest teaching was not a Jesuit (hence he was not nearly as smart or liberal as the Jessies were). He was talking about surrogacy and why it was immoral. His initial rationale was that a woman paying someone else to carry her child so she didn't lose her figure was immoral. Of course I was incensed and furiously raised my hand to be heard. He called on someone else. An Italian guy from Orange, NJ (yes, this becomes relevant). They start to go back and forth and guy from Orange is making my points. Then Father asks him how they get the sperm for the insemination. I'm playing along in my head....let' just say that I was under the mistaken impression that one obtained the male contribution to pregnancy under these circumstances the same way one obtains a vial of blood...

    I have never been so glad to be passed over for contributions in class as I was when guy from Orange was forced to say explicitly how the male contribution was achieved. Guy from Orange was also willing to call the priest on his ridiculous position by acknowledging that yes, Jesus Christ himself would contribute in that same way....assuming that was the only way he could have a child. To this day he stands by his answer. I still get embarrassed thinking about how close I came to being socially ostracized for the next four years had I been called on. The horror of it all.
    You were a very young 17. I'm not sure surrogacy was even an option when I was in college, but I knew how sperm was collected.
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  2. #12
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    7. Pace around the room


    The first time I did that was 1996 after ten years of meeting misery. I simply got up from the table and leaned against the wall directly behind where I had been sitting. You do that fist in the small of your back thing when you get up and everyone thinks your back hurts as opposed to the reality that you are in desperate need of a cigarette and are falling asleep.

    Most spectacular failure in meeting disruption was when I stopped the #4 in the middle of her droning on to ask the simple question: Exactly who is "they"? She was saying "They want us to do this. And they want us to do that." They is presumably some unnamed higher up in New York or Delaware. She looked at me and said, "OK, __I__ want this or that." The truth is that I had fallen asleep, was bored to death, and consider these meetings a total waste of time: God damn it, that's what memos and directives are for.

    BTW, the last time I saw her name in print, the #4 had moved to another financial institution and was being indicted for fraud. There is a God, I swear there is.
    I'm thinking that once, in 1953, a group of interesting people just happened to be in a coffee shop at the same time and a great discussion of issues, ideas, and the meaning of life occurred. Since then we have been waiting at Starbucks for Lawrence Ferlinghetti to say something heavy.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by phillygirl View Post
    A little off topic, but another college class story. It was my first semester of college. I was still 17, so keep that in mind. It was some type of philosophy class. The priest teaching was not a Jesuit (hence he was not nearly as smart or liberal as the Jessies were). He was talking about surrogacy and why it was immoral. His initial rationale was that a woman paying someone else to carry her child so she didn't lose her figure was immoral. Of course I was incensed and furiously raised my hand to be heard. He called on someone else. An Italian guy from Orange, NJ (yes, this becomes relevant). They start to go back and forth and guy from Orange is making my points. Then Father asks him how they get the sperm for the insemination. I'm playing along in my head....let' just say that I was under the mistaken impression that one obtained the male contribution to pregnancy under these circumstances the same way one obtains a vial of blood...

    I have never been so glad to be passed over for contributions in class as I was when guy from Orange was forced to say explicitly how the male contribution was achieved. Guy from Orange was also willing to call the priest on his ridiculous position by acknowledging that yes, Jesus Christ himself would contribute in that same way....assuming that was the only way he could have a child. To this day he stands by his answer. I still get embarrassed thinking about how close I came to being socially ostracized for the next four years had I been called on. The horror of it all.
    I thought that prize pigs were bred using some sort of needle extraction. Then I saw some show or article about jacking off the boar. The emission is about two or three cups. Apparently, human medical extraction is possible but it's usually done on dead bodies while they are still warm.
    I'm thinking that once, in 1953, a group of interesting people just happened to be in a coffee shop at the same time and a great discussion of issues, ideas, and the meaning of life occurred. Since then we have been waiting at Starbucks for Lawrence Ferlinghetti to say something heavy.

  4. #14
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    It's not as if it were difficult to persuade the male of the species to give it up. This is something they do for fun or when they're bored.
    No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. This offer VALID in 35 34 33 32 31 26 20 17 15 14 13 ALL 50 states.

    The new 13 original states to stand up for freedom: CA, CT, IA, MA, DE, MN, NH, NY, RI, VT, ME, MD, NJ (plus DC).

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celeste Chalfonte View Post
    It's not as if it were difficult to persuade the male of the species to give it up. This is something they do for fun or when they're bored.
    They actually make several machines that do it for you.
    I'm thinking that once, in 1953, a group of interesting people just happened to be in a coffee shop at the same time and a great discussion of issues, ideas, and the meaning of life occurred. Since then we have been waiting at Starbucks for Lawrence Ferlinghetti to say something heavy.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celeste Chalfonte View Post
    You were a very young 17. I'm not sure surrogacy was even an option when I was in college, but I knew how sperm was collected.
    I was. Imagine how flustered I was when my economics professor asked me out. Luckily, he did it in writing and I thought my friend (guy from Orange) was pranking me. Guy from Orange had to explicitly explain how it was impossible for him to have gotten my final exam and placed that, along with the red pen notes on it, with the love letter and placed it in my mailbox. I was pretty horrified. I had a lot of growing up to do in college.
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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Novaheart View Post
    I thought that prize pigs were bred using some sort of needle extraction. Then I saw some show or article about jacking off the boar. The emission is about two or three cups. Apparently, human medical extraction is possible but it's usually done on dead bodies while they are still warm.
    Yeah, I remember flipping out when I found out how they "hand bred" my dog. I was so mad that they had basically raped my dog.
    Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live...
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  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by phillygirl View Post
    Yeah, I remember flipping out when I found out how they "hand bred" my dog. I was so mad that they had basically raped my dog.
    MY dog occasionally rapes one of his stuffed toys.
    I'm thinking that once, in 1953, a group of interesting people just happened to be in a coffee shop at the same time and a great discussion of issues, ideas, and the meaning of life occurred. Since then we have been waiting at Starbucks for Lawrence Ferlinghetti to say something heavy.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Novaheart View Post
    7. Pace around the room


    The first time I did that was 1996 after ten years of meeting misery. I simply got up from the table and leaned against the wall directly behind where I had been sitting. You do that fist in the small of your back thing when you get up and everyone thinks your back hurts as opposed to the reality that you are in desperate need of a cigarette and are falling asleep.

    Most spectacular failure in meeting disruption was when I stopped the #4 in the middle of her droning on to ask the simple question: Exactly who is "they"? She was saying "They want us to do this. And they want us to do that." They is presumably some unnamed higher up in New York or Delaware. She looked at me and said, "OK, __I__ want this or that." The truth is that I had fallen asleep, was bored to death, and consider these meetings a total waste of time: God damn it, that's what memos and directives are for.

    BTW, the last time I saw her name in print, the #4 had moved to another financial institution and was being indicted for fraud. There is a God, I swear there is.
    11: Just walk out and insult everyone there.

    I did this one years ago. I had "topped out" at the company anyway, and they knew that they couldn't live without my skills, but they didn't know that I had already lined up another job (that one turned out to be a bust, but the one after that was much, much better).

    The entire place was filled with middle-management suck-ups who didn't know their ass from a hole in the ground. We had weeks of memos telling us how to do something that was literally exactly wrong and would have cost the company a fortune if we had actually heeded them. Finally after resisting doing this stupid for a couple of weeks, they called a meeting and told us all that we HAD to do this the wrong way. I listened to their BS for about ten minutes and then just got up mid-sentence of one of the suck-ups and announced to the "boardroom" table "you don't have the slightest fucking clue what you're talking about, and if we did what you say the company would be bankrupt in a month; you can all stick it where the sun doesn't shine because I'm not going to do something wrong just because you're too stupid to know better." I turned and left the room, with everyone there just sort of staring at me, and they dribbled out of the "boardroom" (read: middle-management suck-up meeting room with something that kinda looks like a formica version of a boardroom table on the side of a cube farm).

    About two days later, one of the suck-ups came to me and said, "you're right, we can't do it that way." I just said "Thanks. Here's my resignation letter."
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