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Thread: Cats Have Happened.

  1. #11
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    The criminal cat has reappeared and is apparently alive and in good health. He reappeared on my body after Mr. Snaps departed the bedroom this morning to brood excessively about my disappointing failure to secure the cat previously.

    Mr. Snaps now also sees Jack as complicit since the dog also failed to detect the cat for two days running (Jack sleeps in the bedroom). Jack is pretty much up the creek since I'm no longer requesting dog custody in my future divorce, Mr. Snaps views him as a traitor, and the criminal cat is lodging a #MeowToo complaint about Jack on Twitter.

    I'm changing my name, emptying the bank accounts, and moving to Aruba with several green rubber bands that I found while searching for the cat. There's also a thumbtack and two quarters that have alluring possibilities as future romantic companions.

    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  2. #12
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    Having extracted, fed, watered, and interacted with the criminal cat for about an hour (socialization - so important ) I dumped both cats on Mr. Snaps who was thrilled after he kicked Jack outside. Whatever.

    After preparing the initial part of a gourmet meal, doing laundry, and feeding birds imagine my surprise upon being told that the non-criminal cat was now lodged firmly underneath the bar. This is a real bar with refrigeration and water (we entertain a lot).

    While I was less than apprehensive given the previous 48 hours, apparently this was a two-person job. It was not but it involved engineering.

    After calculating the max extent of volume the cat could potentially occupy and having provided a crowbar and shotgun, I sensibly left. Upon my return, the cat was safe and my bar was destroyed more or less.

    I live for these moments.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  3. #13
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    I think you're trying to socialize the wrong critter.
    No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. This offer VALID in 35 34 33 32 31 26 20 17 15 14 13 ALL 50 states.

    The new 13 original states to stand up for freedom: CA, CT, IA, MA, DE, MN, NH, NY, RI, VT, ME, MD, NJ (plus DC).

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celeste Chalfonte View Post
    I think you're trying to socialize the wrong critter.
    You may be correct.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celeste Chalfonte View Post
    I think you're trying to socialize the wrong critter.
    Judging on the conversation so far, I think you spelled euthanize wrong.
    Get off the cross, we need the wood.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by gary m View Post
    Judging on the conversation so far, I think you spelled euthanize wrong.
    You both spelled 'divorce' wrong.

    Do you know how to get two small cats out from under a piano? You play 'The Maple Leaf Rag' REALLY LOUD.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    You both spelled 'divorce' wrong.

    Do you know how to get two small cats out from under a piano? You play 'The Maple Leaf Rag' REALLY LOUD.
    If they get used to that, try "Beer Barrel Polka." Learned at my father's knee. BTW, any accordion music will also disperse cats.
    No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws. This offer VALID in 35 34 33 32 31 26 20 17 15 14 13 ALL 50 states.

    The new 13 original states to stand up for freedom: CA, CT, IA, MA, DE, MN, NH, NY, RI, VT, ME, MD, NJ (plus DC).

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  10. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Celeste Chalfonte View Post
    If they get used to that, try "Beer Barrel Polka." Learned at my father's knee. BTW, any accordion music will also disperse cats.
    I like polka but hate that piece. I was kind of shocked that I remembered all of the 'Maple Leaf Rag'. I probably haven't played it through in 5 years until today.

    I'm not playing 'Hey, Jude' or 'The Entertainer' though. Those are the piano equivalents to the super over-requested 'Stairway to Heaven' or 'Layla'. Sick of that stuff.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

  11. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    You both spelled 'divorce' wrong.
    We all know that you would never divorce him. You would never let him or anyone off that easy.

    Quote Originally Posted by Gingersnap View Post
    Do you know how to get two small cats out from under a piano?
    No, but if you hum the first few bars I can probably fake it from there.
    Get off the cross, we need the wood.

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by gary m View Post
    We all know that you would never divorce him. You would never let him or anyone off that easy.
    That's why your life is currently positioned to drop off a very high cliff. It's precisely why.
    "Alexa, slaughter the fatted calf."

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