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Thread: Short Jokes

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by daveman View Post
    The shortest jokes I know:

    A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!"



    A fish swims into a concrete wall and says "Dam!"
    Some tried and true:

    "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize." (Steven Wright)
    "Who stole the cork from my lunch?" (W.C. Fields)
    "Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" (Maye West)
    and of course, "Take my wife. . . please!" (Henny Youngman)

    Another Steven Wright idea, "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

    • “Weakness is refusing to take responsibility for your own actions, weakness is pointing your finger at someone else in a time of crisis." — Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, blaming Trump.
    • "We hold these truths to be self evident. All men and women created by the, you know, you know, the thing." —Joe Biden, explaining the Creator.
    • "The way I see it, there's always, c'mon, there's always money. It's there." —Elizabeth Warren, explaining socialism.
    • “The interesting thing about the Green New Deal is it wasn’t originally a climate thing at all.... We really think of it as a how-do-you-change-the-entire-economy thing.” —Saikat Chakrabarti, then AOC's Chief of Staff.
    • "We have to stop demonizing people and realize the biggest terror threat in this country is white men, most of them radicalized to the right, and we have to start doing something about them." —CNN's Don Lemon, showing how to stop demonizing people.


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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Newman View Post
    Some tried and true:

    "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize." (Steven Wright)
    "Who stole the cork from my lunch?" (W.C. Fields)
    "Is that a pickle in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" (Maye West)
    and of course, "Take my wife. . . please!" (Henny Youngman)

    Another Steven Wright idea, "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

    Sorry this deserves a correction.

    Is That A Pistol In Your Pocket, Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

    She made this remark in February 1936, at the railway station in Los Angeles upon her return from Chicago, when a Los Angeles police officer was assigned to escort her home. She first delivered the line on film in She Done Him Wrong, and again to George Hamilton in her last movie, Sextette (1978).
    Robert Francis O'Rourke, Democrat, White guy, spent ~78 million to defeat, Ted Cruz, Republican immigrant Dark guy …
    and lost …
    But the Republicans are racist.

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